Congratulations on taking the first step toward connecting with your partner now! 

A MESSAGE TO MY CLIENTS:

No one can know the true pain and anguish that the two of you are going through right now. I understand some of what you are experiencing. It is awful to have been betrayed, and to have done the betraying. In my life I have also sought atonement, soul searching, and healing.

I know that you are questioning every part of your lives now, and looking for what’s real, and what you can hold on to. Perhaps everything seems to have been shattered. You are desperately trying to understand what happened, and what went wrong with your life and your relationship.

Your pain is intense. I know that if you are beginning the tentative journey to rebuild trust and heal this relationship, you probably feel on shaky ground right now. That’s totally understandable.

What I have to offer the two of you is my clinical and personal knowledge, and also truths that have emerged from creating a science of trust and betrayal. We now understand a great deal about the process of healing. However, I am not going to tell you that healing from betrayal is easy and in a few fast steps you will be fine. The journey will be hard. It is going to take energy, and it is going to take time, and it will be a painful journey.

But I can offer you some hope. Healing is totally do-able if you both want it to happen. And I hope I can provide some guidance that might make your journey easier, and offer support to you both.

I believe in you. 

I would like to offer you genuine hope based on real results. It is not too late to work on your relationship to avoid separation and divorce.

Sometimes we think that moving apart in times of turmoil – or separating – will help us gain insight and the strength to stay together. But perhaps you will consider holding off separation for at least a few days. By learning and implementing specific relationship skills discussed in this course, you may be able to turn your relationship around and move forward –quickly. Imagine how nice it would be to change your current situation and develop the relationship of your dreams!

You will also learn how to change destructive behaviors and sabotaging thoughts. I can assure you that it is possible to make significant and immediate transformations starting with the very first activity. 

Every living thing needs nurturing and attention. If you wanted to plant a tree and have it thrive, you wouldn’t simply set the tree in the yard and hope for the best. Instead, you would dig a hole and carefully place the sapling in it. Then you would fill the hole and fertilize and water the tree. Then you would carefully monitor its growth, checking for insects and disease.

It is the same with your relationships. Relationships need attention on a daily basis, which can simply be 10 to 20 minutes of meaningful readings, activities, and dialogue. The focus of the dialogue should be about your feelings about each other and your life together. So, set aside at least 10 minutes per day (and maybe even longer on the weekends or when you have down time). 

Couples typically resist discussing negative feelings because they don’t want to create problems or start arguments – but what really happens when issues are not discussed is just the opposite. As in an untended garden, ignored feelings have a weed-like way of taking over; of growing up through widening cracks. And in a relationship, that can result in resentment, disinterest, and a lack of desire to repair the relationship. 

HERE’S THE POINT: You must take care of your marriage and relationships as you would any living thing if you want it to thrive! Ten minutes a day is not too much to ask, is it?

Giving your loved ones at least one compliment each day may sound simplistic, but it can have a remarkable effect on your relationships! We are often more inclined to compliment acquaintances or co-workers than our loved ones. Giving your partner at least one compliment each day will help you focus on the strengths of each other individually and your relationship together. It will also help you focus on the positive qualities that initially attracted you to each other. 

Instead of making comments that put your partner down, give them compliments to boost them up! Think of your relationships – and all involved – as a team. Supporting your team will inevitably benefit you and everyone else on that team. Daily compliments will prevent your relationships from becoming routine or stale and will boost mutual satisfaction. 

  HERE’S THE POINT: Giving and receiving compliments not only makes you feel good, it also makes you feel good about the person giving and receiving the compliment!

Studies show that couples who focus on doing new things together have a more passionate relationship. The reason may be that whenever the brain experiences something positive that is outside the normal day-to-day routine, it releases dopamine and norepinephrine, which unlock romantic feelings.

So, rather than visiting the same places and dining with the same people, couples may benefit from tailoring date nights around new and different activities that they both enjoy. The goal is to keep introducing experiences that are new to the relationship. The activities may be simple or something unusual and thrilling – like taking an art class or going somewhere exotic. Spice up date night, because it can be one of the best and most important things you ever do together for your marriage – not to mention the most fun!

Jot down some ideas, and some resources to find new ideas. Maybe you and your partner can take turns creating the date night for the week.

The activities that you will learn in this course will become stronger and grow each day that you practice them. It is not always a simple matter to do so; it is a matter of discipline. You must commit to practicing your skills on a daily basis and get into the habit of using them. That being said, you don’t need to spend hours working on them. As we said earlier, approximately 10 to 20 minutes each day is enough time to practice your new ability to make perfect and meaningful connections! 

In conclusion, the overview of this therapeutic course has three phases with three main goals:

Phases:

• Atonement
• Attunement
• Attachment

Goals:

• Modify Conflict: constructive conflict and communication
• Enhance Relationship: friendship/ intimacy/ positive affect
• Create Shared Meaning: life vision

The practices have 3 parts:

• Readings
• Videos
• Discussions/ Exercises/ Activities/ Resources/ Techniques

The daily practices should be done, ideally, at the same time each day, so they become healthy habits imbedded into you and your partner’s daily routine. Whatever time you choose, stick to it. Schedule it and don’t let other events interfere. Consider the time you choose to practice as an appointment with yourself and your partner, who is no less important than the other commitments in your life. 

Lesson Summary

Congratulations on taking the first step toward connecting with your partner now! Here's a message to my clients:

No one can know the true pain and anguish that the two of you are going through right now. I understand some of what you are experiencing. It is awful to have been betrayed, and to have done the betraying. In my life I have also sought atonement, soul searching, and healing.

I know that you are questioning every part of your lives now, and looking for what’s real, and what you can hold on to. Perhaps everything seems to have been shattered. You are desperately trying to understand what happened, and what went wrong with your life and your relationship. Your pain is intense.

What I have to offer the two of you is my clinical and personal knowledge, and also truths that have emerged from creating a science of trust and betrayal. We now understand a great deal about the process of healing.

I am not going to tell you that healing from betrayal is easy and in a few fast steps you will be fine. The journey will be hard. It is going to take energy, and it is going to take time, and it will be a painful journey. But I can offer you some hope.

Healing is totally do-able if you both want it to happen. And I hope I can provide some guidance that might make your journey easier, and offer support to you both. I believe in you.

I would like to offer you genuine hope based on real results. It is not too late to work on your relationship to avoid separation and divorce. Sometimes we think that moving apart in times of turmoil – or separating – will help us gain insight and the strength to stay together. But perhaps you will consider holding off separation for at least a few days.

By learning and implementing specific relationship skills discussed in this course, you may be able to turn your relationship around and move forward –quickly. Imagine how nice it would be to change your current situation and develop the relationship of your dreams! You will also learn how to change destructive behaviors and sabotaging thoughts.

Every living thing needs nurturing and attention. If you wanted to plant a tree and have it thrive, you wouldn’t simply set the tree in the yard and hope for the best. It is the same with your relationships. Relationships need attention on a daily basis, which can simply be 10 to 20 minutes of meaningful readings, activities, and dialogue.

So, set aside at least 10 minutes per day (and maybe even longer on the weekends or when you have down time). The focus of the dialogue should be about your feelings about each other and your life together.

Couples typically resist discussing negative feelings because they don’t want to create problems or start arguments – but what really happens when issues are not discussed is just the opposite. As in an untended garden, ignored feelings have a weed-like way of taking over; of growing up through widening cracks. And in a relationship, that can result in resentment, disinterest, and a lack of desire to repair the relationship.

You must take care of your marriage and relationships as you would any living thing if you want it to thrive! Ten minutes a day is not too much to ask, is it? Giving your loved ones at least one compliment each day may sound simplistic, but it can have a remarkable effect on your relationships!

Studies show that couples who focus on doing new things together have a more passionate relationship. The reason may be that whenever the brain experiences something positive that is outside the normal day-to-day routine, it releases dopamine and norepinephrine, which unlock romantic feelings. So, rather than visiting the same places and dining with the same people, couples may benefit from tailoring date nights around new and different activities that they both enjoy.

The activities that you will learn in this course will become stronger and grow each day that you practice them. You must commit to practicing your skills on a daily basis and get into the habit of using them.

The overview of this therapeutic course has three phases with three main goals:

• Phases:
  • Atonement
  • Attunement
  • Attachment
• Goals:
  • Modify Conflict: constructive conflict and communication
  • Enhance Relationship: friendship/ intimacy/ positive affect
  • Create Shared Meaning: life vision

The daily practices should be done, ideally, at the same time each day, so they become healthy habits imbedded into you and your partner’s daily routine. Whatever time you choose,